‘A relationship isn’t always 50/50. Some days, they will struggle. You suck it up and pick up that 80/20 because they need you. That’s love.’
I think this needs clarification. Even if some things seem obvious, many people still misunderstand what these percentages actually mean.
Many people seem confused, or they follow teachings and beliefs that have very little to do with love.
So they turn love into mathematics, constantly calculating, counting, measuring how much love they give, receive or should give.
The moment love becomes a calculation and starts being measured by how much it is given, it stops being love.
Love is given, not measured.
And boundaries exist for a reason. You should know your boundaries. Boundaries should come from a place of love for yourself, not from a place of ego.
In fact, many people don’t understand what love is. And that’s okay, because we aren’t taught much about true love. We’re taught definitions that have little to do with love.
Some things are quite simple. For example, you should always ask yourself how you feel next to someone.
The nature of your relationship depends on your concept of love. Therefore, not all relationships will be the same, and that’s okay. As long as you feel loved and comfortable in the relationship, trust and follow that feeling. And always communicate.
However, there are certain things that should be common and the same in all relationships. Unfortunately, they aren’t. So I’ll try to explain, make you reflect and feel.
As for percentages, when you’re in a relationship, you have to give yourself completely, 100%. Both of you. Not 50%, not 60%, but 100%. All of you. You and your will.
Because love isn’t given halfway, and neither are you.
You either give yourself completely or you don’t give yourself at all.
Nobody should be loved halfway.
Because what kind of love is that?
What should always be included and equally present in all relationships in these 100% is mutual respect, trust, honesty, love and communication.
These should never be negotiable and should not depend on percentages.
Regarding needs, desires and what you give and expect in a relationship, you should talk about it with your partner.
There are also other types of percentages.. which many confuse with the percentages I explained earlier.
As for other percentages of giving and being present, these will vary each day and will depend on energy, life’s difficulties and health.
Sometimes your partner will need more, because they are going through difficult times and will only have 10% energy to give.
Sometimes work will exhaust you, and all you’ll want when you see your partner is to be in their hug.
Then your partner will give more, because then you need more.
Sometimes you will both be able to give a little because you both go through difficulty. But you will be there, just not 100% with your energy.
So every day will be different, and therefore, your energy and what you can contribute to the relationship will also be different.
Sometimes that energy will be unbalanced, and one of you will need more care because they need it.
Communication is important here. Fundamental. And understanding. That’s love.
Never use love as a weapon by reminding your partner how much you give.
Instead, give love.
And if you don’t feel loved or appreciated, communicate how you feel.
Because, I repeat, where you measure how much you give.. come on.. you’re not in the marketplace.. and what kind of love is that?
Of course, you should never forget those 100% from the beginning of the text.
And I mentioned boundaries as well. So if you see that what is given is not appreciated.. communicate. And after that, decide what to do next.
I hope you understand the difference.
My math in love is very simple: 1 + 1 = 1.
I ‘apologize’ to mathematicians and to those who think about love logically, through calculation and with their minds.
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