Hello you beautiful soul! 🌏🙏
Don’t lose yourself trying to fix others.
‘Women, you are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is NOT your job to fix him, change him, parent him or raise him. You want a partner, not a project.’
This applies to both women and men. You need someone with whom you will grow, evolve, not someone who you will raise and teach the basics of behavior.
You are not there to heal the consequences of an unhealthy upbringing, that should not be your role in the relationship.
Many still have that story in their head: how their love will change them, so they think they can endure and wait.. and often that something never happens, and they just get exhausted and turn their lives into misery.
So choose your partner carefully, and even more carefully pay attention to yourself, your behavior.
It is very important for you to understand this: many unhappy parents raise unhappy children. Many dissatisfied parents transfer their dissatisfaction and frustrations to their children. Many try to fulfill themselves through their children, imposing their wishes on them, instead of allowing their children to follow their desires and talents.
Many do not give love, attention, time to children.. but rudeness, violence.
There are parents who are ARE FIRST BULLIES of their children. They bully their kids because they have been bullied too, without being fully aware of what they are doing. They accepted it as something normal and continued the tradition.
And then that child often becomes the same.
Someone needs to break that cycle. Don’t be afraid to be that ‘someone’.
And about..
Over protective mothers who affect their children’s personality. They are usually overprotective towards their sons. It’s an attachment that can be very toxic.
To women: when you meet your one, please look at his relationship with his parents, especially with his mother.
Because it can be an impossible mission to explain to him that you are not his mom, nor do you want to be. I’ve been there. You need a man, not a child. You should be his woman, not his therapist. & Vice versa!
We all have some similar experiences, carrying wounds with us, which not everyone is aware of.. hence many don’t heal their traumas, but pass them on to their partners.
Understand that it is not your job to raise your partner! Your responsibility is to raise YOUR kids so that they become responsible for their lives and actions.
When look for a partner look for your equal, not your project. Just because you can take it doesn’t mean you have to!
Everyone’s homework is to be aware and address all wounds from the past, trauma, and to actively work on healing instead of transferring them to the partner. This is only possible if the person is open to understanding and aware of their actions. Otherwise it can be very draining for another.
Be careful when you choose with whom you will have patience, and where you are wasting your time.
Don’t lose yourself trying to ‘save’ others. There are people who are paid for it, so don’t pay with your health.
Remember: Just because you can take it doesn’t mean you have to! Don’t lose yourself trying to fix others.
Hence.. No woman and no man.. no one should be taught that love is tolerating any misbehaviour. It is wrong on so many levels.
There are so many misconceptions about love.. and we all should learn what love is NOT! Losing yourself while trying to fix others.. it’s not love, but a lack of self love. You should know your boundaries. You should know that you can’t fix those who don’t want to be fixed.
Don’t lose yourself trying to fix others.
Love, but accept no mistreatments from anyone. Go where you are loved, respected, appreciated and celebrated, not tolerated. If someone can’t see who you are and the real value of you, let them go!
Remember there are people who will love everything about you, that someone else didn’t!
But.. most importantly never project your past bad experiences on someone expecting them to tolerate you! It’s not other person’s responsibility to tolerate you. Don’t take for granted the one who loves you.
So, look inwards and find the cause of your behaviour. Deal with your own ‘traumas’, that is the moment when growth happens. And that’s what mature and responsible person does. Don’t let others, who love you, suffer because you are not capable of confronting your own demons. Grow some balls, face your fears, traumas.
Depending on when you’re reading this, I wish you either a beautiful day or a good night, you beautiful soul! 🙏🌏
Love and namaste,
Irina 🦄💙
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