‘And you, you scare people because you are whole all by yourself.’
If I had a coin for every time someone told me I was intimidating.. I would own a palace by now.
It never made sense to me. Me? Intimidating? Scary? I was simply being myself. Yet.. to many people, it was real. And, apparently, it still is.
So, naturally.. I did what I always do. I searched for the answer within myself. And, as always.. I want to share what I found with you.
First, remember that the way people see you is not a reflection of you, but of them.
In my case.. I wasn’t intimidating. They simply felt intimidated. And that is a HUGE difference.
Never define yourself through someone else’s definition of you. Never see yourself through someone else’s opinion.
People often react to what they lack.
You must be yourself. Completely. That, my dear.. IS NOT NEGOTIABLE. Nor is it open for discussion. Especially in love relationships.
There is no compromise when it comes to being yourself.
Once you know who you are.. never allow other people’s opinions to redefine you. Only you have that responsibility. Don’t hand it over. Your homework is to know yourself, connect with yourself, accept yourself, love yourself.. and become fully yourself.
And.. that is what scares people. Not because you are whole.. but because they are not. They feel exposed because you don’t play the game of ‘validate me and I’ll validate you’. Only people who rely on that game and participate in that exchange feel exposed. Your freedom exposes everything they still depend on.
When you are fully yourself and emotionally independent.. it becomes uncomfortable for those who still depend on external validation. Not because you are better than them.. but because you remind them of everything they abandoned within themselves.
The moment you accept both your strengths and what you call your flaws.. you become untouchable. People will either be inspired by your authenticity.. or intimidated by it.
That is how real self-confidence is built. That’s how you become invincible and no one can use against you what you have already accepted within yourself.
To those who survive behind masks.. your lack of one feels dangerous. You cannot be manipulated. You cannot be controlled. Your insecurities are no longer available as weapons against you.
And then there are those who encounter authenticity and feel something completely different. True authenticity has become so rare that it acts like a magnet. They recognize the peace that comes with your self-acceptance. And, perhaps for the first time.. they realize they could choose that path too.
You must never change your essence to make others comfortable. Instead, change the people around you who ask you to change. Then.. choose those who accept you exactly as you are.
Remember this: if someone feels intimidated by your strength.. that is a reflection of their own weakness.. and that says far more about their inner world than about yours. Some people will try to pull you down, to break your spirit.. that is another weakness of theirs. Recognize it. Do not take it personally. Don’t let it affect you.
Sadly.. many people build their identity through the opinions of others.
In doing so, they create nothing but dependency, building their self-confidence on a house of cards. Their confidence depends on compliments, likes, approval and validation. They search for happiness in other people. They expect their partners to complete what they never built within themselves.
And then.. they meet someone who is deeply connected with themselves. Someone who does not need external validation to know their worth. Someone who does not need external validation for their existence. And to them.. it feels almost impossible. So beautiful.. yet so intimidating.
Because they still need all of it. They know, somewhere deep inside, how much courage it takes to become that person. To face fear. To face judgment. To stop pretending. To rebuild yourself from the inside out. And they are simply not ready for that journey yet.
It is much easier to call someone intimidating than to admit you are intimidated. It is much easier to hide behind excuses than to look in the mirror.
Be kind.. especially to yourself. Then quietly step away. Let them fight the battles that belong to them.
That is why whenever someone tells me I am intimidating.. or whenever I see someone trying to project their weakness onto me.. I simply walk away. I am not afraid that I scared them.. because I know I didn’t. I know it has nothing to do with me.
And if someone ever asks me — whether seriously or mockingly — how an intimidating woman like me expects to find a man.. or perhaps suggests I should lower my standards.. I can only smile and answer: the man who is afraid of my strength is precisely the man I am not interested in. That is exactly the kind of man I would never choose.
That is exactly the kind of man I do not want in my life. So if that means being alone.. so be it.
This isn’t the only text. But today, it might be enough.