Please Forgive Me..
Almost everyday I come across my photos, especially thanks to Facebook for these reminders – on this day..! I love it. When I look at those photos, those moments, they remind me of who I was, who I am now, where I was and where I am now.. my focus in life. Not just that, but enough for this post. 🙂
I always felt different. Like I do not fit in this world.
I am not the type of person who complains, but the type of person who is looking for solutions.
No matter what. I guess, that’s my spirit, that’s my attitude. Still throughout my entire life I’ve been followed by other people’s jealousy, rumors, envy, comments like: ‘Oh, it’s easy for you..’, lies.. ‘You are smiling all the time – you have no problems’. etc etc.
It happens to all of us. Before, I used to feel bad, because some of those comments came from people that were supposed to know me really well and all the sh.. things I´ve been through. I thought they were my friends. They’ve should have known me! So yes, of course it hurt me that I wasn’t being understood.
Even after my mother passed away, even after my severe motorcycle accident, even when I was in bed for God knows how much time.. Even when I couldn’t bend my knee for 11 years, even after 11 surgeries, even when I was fighting for my life, even when I felt pain, even when I was passing through some dark moments.. So on. EVEN THEN.
I wondered why???
Why women feel jealous, for cookies sake I’m in the f.king bed. My leg is broken. How can anyone say I have no problems, when my mother just passed away??? Why??? Empathy, compassion, hello have you heard about it? Inside job, dear. Inside job. What is wrong with people?
I haven’t changed that way, but my perspective has changed.
I can tell you now. I’ve learned that, how someone sees me, it speaks a lot about them. How you see me speaks about you. How I see you speaks about me. Got it?
So please forgive me,
if I don’t have mercy for you and for all your excuses you use to hide behind, to justify yourself from not doing something in your life. Now I know, that all these comments I had to listen to, are just excuses for yourself. Although they have hurt me, they’ve also helped me to grow faster. All those judgments speak about yourself and WHO YOU ARE. Please forgive me if you didn’t like my answer to all your inappropriate comments, because you know what, I didn’t like your misunderstanding about myself (especially if you don’t know me..) in the first place. Forgive me if I see through you.
Please forgive me if I don’t pity you,
as I never liked to be pitied. Don’t you dare pity me! Just as you have decided to be a victim, I choose to be a winner. This is Spartaaaaaaaaa! I would rather suggest that you get rid of those negative feelings. Why? The most dangerous feelings are weakness, jealousy.. They create insecurity. Insecurity creates hatred, bitterness, rage. And those feelings kill you. Softly. From inside. They create illness. Hate can only hurt you, not others you hate. Personally, all those comments have made me stronger!
Please forgive me if I have found the way to keep living my life even when life surprised me with difficulties.
When my mother died, I didn’t let that pain destroy me. I have suffered. A lot. She was my best friend. She was the best mother in the whole world. What I feel is gratitude for having her as my mother, for everything she taught me. Thanks to her I am beautiful, I shine bright. I hold my head up high. And learn. Learn to be better, brighter, than .. not you, BUT myself and who I was yesterday! I don’t compare myself to anyone, so why do you do that??? I dominate.
When I couldn’t bend my knee, I still kept walking. I could stay at home and let it destroy me. I have plenty of scars and I ADORE THEM! Every single one of them! They show me that I am a hero!!! And I still had to listen that my life is easy, just because you saw me living in Ibiza.
So please forgive me for all your insecurities you have showed and are still showing towards me.
Please forgive me if you think that my life is easier than yours, if you think that I am brighter, stronger than you, more beautiful than you, etc. Please forgive me, If I don’t complain. But FIRSTLY forgive yourself for choosing to be a victim. We all are the same, with the same mental capacity, yet you choose to be a victim. Don’t blame me or anyone else, but yourself. Your life, your choices.
I have forgiven you a long time ago. I have forgiven you even if you didn’t ask me to.
Because that’s who I am. And I keep forgiving you every single day. I have learned this life lesson. One of the hardest ones (to me). Forgiving people’s behaviour.. I choose to forgive. Not because I approve of your behaviour.. No, no, I don’t approve when someone hurts other people.
Forgiving doesn’t mean approving. Not at all.
Forgiving means I understand the situation. Forgiving means working on your empathy and compassion. I understand your mindset. I understand why are you doing that. In that way I accept it. Your insecurities, your pain, your bitterness. Forgiving means maturity. Forgiving means I manage (trying) to control my ego. I decide to forgive because of my inner peace. Forgiving you I have allowed myself to heal.
That’s why I shine brighter than before. THANK YOU!
I needed to feel that pain to be able to see the light and the difference between people who have decided to be winners and those who play the roles of victims.
For your own sake.. learn how to: Accept And Forgive. Forgive yourself first. And then forgive others. Let it go.
And.. focus on your life. Love. Love heals.
Depending on when you’re reading this, I wish you either a beautiful day or a good night, you beautiful soul!
Love and namaste,
Irina 🦄💙
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