Do they choose you when you choose them?

‘Do they choose you when you choose them?’

Do they?

Just one of many excellent questions. An honest answer to it should tell you whether you are in a healthy relationship and whether you are experiencing the kind of love you deserve and give.

To expand on that question, start with these: What kind of relationship do you want? What kind of love do you believe you deserve? Is that the relationship you are in? Do you compromise your core values and standards just to keep this person in your life? Do they choose you the way you choose them?

Self-reflection is essential. The right questions, followed by honest answers, help you identify the root cause of what troubles you. Only then can you address the cause instead of constantly putting bandages on the consequences.

Self-love is where everything begins. No, self-love is not selfishness or egocentrism. In those cases, what is lacking is awareness.

Self-love helps you connect with yourself, accept yourself and respect yourself. It helps you become authentic. Awareness is essential here. You learn what you want, what you like and what you do not, and what you give. You establish boundaries that protect you from everything that steals your peace or does not offer love. Boundaries come from a place of love, not ego.

All of this will help you in your relationships. In choosing a partner. In communicating. You will learn that whatever bothers you should first be discussed and shared with your partner instead of making impulsive decisions.

Because self-love is an active practice of self-respect rather than a selfish act.

Self-love will also help you understand and accept people for who they are and respect their decisions.

And that is the ‘problem’ with love.. when the people we choose do not choose us back. The truth is, there is no problem at all when you are guided by your heart. The real pain of unrequited love usually comes from resisting reality rather than from love itself. It is driven by the ego — wishing reality were different — instead of choosing understanding and acceptance.

And we all have the right to choose — you have the right to choose, but so does everyone else.

When you accept other people’s choices.. no matter how painful they are, you begin to understand them instead of becoming angry or disappointed.

That is how you make things easier for yourself and ease your pain. Non-acceptance of reality through anger or disappointment keeps you tied to the source of your pain. You make life harder for yourself, and that is how suffering begins.

Yes, unrequited love can lead to heartbreak. You loved them. You feel the pain. Maybe they hurt you. All of that can happen. Take your time to heal.. and focus on yourself instead of on them. I see so many people who cannot stop talking about the person who does not love them back, hoping it will make them feel better. It won’t. Redirect that energy toward yourself. It is one of the most powerful things you can do.

Give yourself closure.

Why would you continue choosing and talking about someone who does not want you and clearly shows it through their actions? The ‘problem’ is no longer with them. It is with you. The key to healing your pain lies in your answer to that question.

That is why learning to love and respect yourself is so important. Because if you choose someone and that person does not choose you back.. it is no longer love. It is desperation.

Don’t you want to be loved for who you are and for what you give? Don’t you respect yourself? Turn toward yourself and learn to accept, respect and love yourself.

Self-respect will, among many other things, help you walk away without unnecessary drama or arguments from anything that does not give you the love you give. From anyone who doesn’t choose you the way you choose them.

Because relationships should be mutual. Love is freely given.. but you also ‘have the right’ to receive love in return. If you are not loved, if you do not feel safe, cared for, cherished and pampered.. then tell me, what is the point?

What is the point?

Yes, rejection will hurt, but it will pass.. but isn’t it far more painful to stay with someone who does not love you, does not choose you and does not want you back? That pain will last until you decide to stop it. Otherwise, you choose to turn pain into suffering and misery.

Live love. Choose the person who says ‘yes’ to you as clearly as the sun. Someone who chooses you, loves you and wants you. No maybes. No ‘what ifs’. No hesitation. No uncertainty. No insecurity.

Remember, love is also an action. And a choice.

This isn’t the only text. But today, it might be enough.