‘Communication works for those who work at it.’
Healthy communication takes two.
However.. I do not want to focus on others, but on you..
How do you express yourself, and in what way do you communicate with others? Did you ever think about it?
Do you question your intentions? And what about your tone?
Are you honest, first of all with yourself? Are you sure?
Do you speak with your heart?
Learning healthy expression is your homework.
And I have to say ‘healthy’, because people often understand ‘expression’ however they want.. and behave accordingly. That is often anything but healthy.
And no, you do not need to be a perfect speaker.. but an honest one. There is no such thing as a perfect speaker, first of all. Even skilled speakers became skilled because they practiced expressing themselves. So do not hide behind excuses.
Practice assertiveness.
And most importantly, what I always repeat: focus on your expression, not on another person’s reaction. Or on controlling their reaction.
How the other person reacts and communicates, logically.. that is their homework. That is their responsibility. You cannot control other people’s reactions, and why would you?
If you try to control others, YOU ARE TRYING TO MANIPULATE.
And that is not healthy communication.
The only thing you can control is yourself.. your sincere and respectful expression of your feelings, thoughts, and your reactions when someone speaks to you.
That is your responsibility.
Therefore, first of all, be honest with yourself.. and then, once you have sorted out your thoughts and feelings, speak clearly, kindly and without fear.
The reactions of others are not your responsibility. You should not be afraid to speak honestly and openly.
However.. when I observe people and relationships today, I see that many people live in lies.
Not because they sincerely want to, but THEY DECIDE out of fear. Still, that is their choice and the reason should not serve as justification for lies. In the long run, they only complicate things further.
Instead of being honest, they avoid the truth.. saying what others want to hear, or simply what suits them best in the moment.
Very often people avoid delicate and difficult conversations, thinking this way they will protect their peace.
But in reality, they never truly had peace to begin with. It is a false peace.. so what is there to protect then?
And very often, from the very beginning, they suppress their feelings, desires and thoughts..
And those seemingly ‘small’ and ‘unimportant’ things keep accumulating over time.. until they become something huge. And you cannot unsee an elephant in the room.
So ‘suddenly’ everything becomes huge.. and uncontrollably comes out in the form of anger, yelling, aggression, insults, blaming and so on.
So tell me.. what peace are you keeping and protecting by avoiding the truth?
When you are not even at peace with yourself..
If your honesty makes someone uncomfortable or angry.. SO BE IT. So what? Learn to be comfortable with discomfort.
Do you avoid the truth because you are afraid that someone will change their opinion about you?
That is selfish.. and all of this is manipulation.
Because a lie is manipulation. Controlling others is manipulation.
Be honest even when it itches all over.
Remember.. healthy communication requires two, and all of this applies to all of us.
And do not forget that your reaction, after someone tells you a truth you may not like.. is your responsibility.
If you want healthy communication, you have to work on it instead of avoiding conflict or hiding behind excuses. Do your part.
This isn’t the only text. But today, it might be enough.