‘Ever have that moment? When someone asks you if you’re okay, and you just wanna turn to them and tell them everything? The words, the feelings, the truths are on the tip of your tongue and all you want to do is let them all out and say that no, you’re not okay, and that you really just need someone to hold you in their arms and tell you that eventually, things will be okay.. But you don’t. You don’t tell them any of that and instead.. You just force a smile, lie, and tell them yes.’
I have those moments too.
I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to express your feelings and to surround yourself with people who can genuinely support your mental and emotional well-being.
Unfortunately, there is still a great deal of stigma surrounding mental health and asking for help when life feels overwhelming.. when problems seem to keep piling up. Something every single one of us experiences in one way or another.
That is one of the many reasons people keep everything to themselves. Another is fear.. fear of being judged, misunderstood or rejected.
It seems that society expects everyone to look strong and happy all the time. You are a part of that society too.
Of course, you should not share your mental struggles with everyone, because sometimes opening up to the wrong person only leaves you feeling even worse. Some people may even use your vulnerability against you. That is the case for me, and one of the reasons I do not open up easily. I have been misunderstood and judged so many times that I eventually stopped doing it, despite still wanting — and needing — to.
I am fully aware of it. I am not lying to myself. I know how important it is not to keep everything inside. That is what I am telling you all the time. And I am a very expressive person. I like talking about everything.. BUT ONLY WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE CAPACITY TO UNDERSTAND AND TO LISTEN.
If you do not have anyone to talk to right now, become your own best friend. Talk to yourself. Listen to yourself. If you feel you need professional support, ask for it. Or write. Just do not lie. Do not fake. Do not pretend. And do not keep everything inside.
WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE FORM HAS BECOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN ESSENCE. It is often more important how things look on the outside than what they truly are on the inside.
However, although you are part of this world, you do not have to be part of that world. Let your priorities be what truly matters. Your health. Self-care. Healthy relationships. Boundaries.
We live in a world where saying ‘I’m fine’ has become more important than answering the question ‘How are you?’ honestly.. even when you are falling apart inside. We were taught that opening up about how we truly feel is a burden to other people. That honesty is somehow ‘impolite’. RIDICULOUS! Then why the fuck do you ask such a precious and important question in the first place?
That is what we were taught.. to bury everything inside ourselves because we have to be ‘polite’ in the eyes of other people. HEY! Other people and their opinions ALWAYS matter! That is just another obsolete belief we need to unlearn.
Unlearn what you have learned.
Let me tell you something.. I shit on that belief and on fake kindness disguised as politeness. So apparently, you are being ‘kind’ when you ask me how I am, but I am somehow being ‘unkind’ if I answer honestly and tell you I am not doing well. It seems more important that you come across as a ‘good, kind person’.. when in reality, all you have shown is formality and false kindness.
So do not ask me how I am unless you genuinely want to know. Spare me the small talk.
Politeness is often nothing more than a social script, not a deep moral truth. When people ask how you are, they usually expect a pleasant conversation that makes them feel comfortable.. not an honest answer that might make them uncomfortable.
There are so many teachings we need to question because they simply do not serve us. ‘Do not cry. Be strong.’ ‘Smile and everything will be okay.’ ‘Do not burden other people with your problems.’ ‘What will people think if you do this.. or that..?’
These common sayings often hide harmful beliefs. They only create more stress and prevent people from getting the support they truly need.
Because we have been taught that if you are not mentally well, you will be rejected. That if you cry, you are weak. That if you admit you are not okay, you make other people uncomfortable. That if you have a panic attack, people will think you are crazy..
So if you do not question your beliefs.. you will continue living by them, even if they are unhealthy and do not serve you.
And deep inside.. it hurts. All you want is to let it out, but instead you stay silent and scream within. Because society treats emotional pain as weakness, you often choose to hide your struggles to avoid being judged.
Over time, all of that accumulates. Stress. Emotional pain. Unprocessed feelings. And sooner or later, your mind, your body and your health will feel the weight of it.
Change your beliefs. Take care of yourself. Take care of your mental health. Fuck those who respond with formal, clichéd answers after you have opened your soul to them. Their response reflects their limitations, not your worth. No.. it is not about you. It is about them. You are okay.
Normalize this: IT IS OKAY NOT TO FEEL OKAY. You are okay even when you do not feel okay.
This isn’t the only text. But today, it might be enough.